(Mad Scientist)

Thirty years ago I was working for the D.O.D.
trying to develop a new technology
that would take the soldiers fear and rage
and amplify it off the page
and turn them into monsters much like these

Only trouble was, I couldn't make it work at all
and I'd slaved for months, my back against the wall
then just when it was finally there
I tripped a wire, smoke filled the air
flames shot out! white sparks flew!
I screamed with rage!!!
next thing I knew...

At first I lived among the Pilfer Gnomes
kindly dwarves with stealing in their chromosomes
but No-Name Monsters work in drudgery
while Famous Monsters live it up in luxury
so I came here
and wore the cloak
of a mad, mad scientific joke